Have you ever felt so upset and stressed out until your tears flow itself? Yes, I've been there. When everyone seems to have fun, you're the only one who left stressed out and frustrated. When everyone else took pictures happily, you're somewhere else, handled things to make sure they're having fun and satisfied. Have you ever felt so left out like nobody really care about how much hard work you do? And yes I've been there too.
Have you ever feel so betrayed by your trusted one? When your mind felt like fucked up, and they're not even by your side. When something inside you crying, but there they are, smiling happily laughing like nothing is wrong, and yes, you didn't get the credit for your hard work, instead, you got all the blame. Do you know that feeling? The feeling like you will be very happy if you're not there and stay at home, safe and sound. This kind of things make me realize, no, make me learned my lesson that I don't want to involve in this kind of thing anymore. I want to see how the others handled the situation that unplanned. When chaotic event occur.
I might be talked and yelled and rage out of nowhere, but at least I DID something. I solved something. Not just blabbering around telling others what to do and order them. SIGGGGGGGGHHH~
Some people will take this post as if I'm a selfish bitch who thought she's the one that responsible for everything and want some credit for it. I assure you, that's not it. I'm just... simply tired. And from now on, I'll turn off my active side, and I'll just sit and agree about everything. I won't take control or handle everything that has nothing to do with me. For once, I want to be selfish too. I don't want to care about the others. I don't want to give a damn about "what if they're unhappy?" "what if they think I'm a bad person?" "what if some people hate me?"... I don't give a fucking damn fuck. I am a free spirit. I'll do what I want to do. I don't care if some people hate me, who are they? Those thought will no longer haunt me. I'm a free and independent human being. P.S : God knew and saw how much effort I put in it, I know He saw me. So I don't have to be afraid of anything!
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